Carrie Tested a Double Standard. This Woman Tested Her Friends.
Carrie Bradshaw pulled a clever stunt to replace her stolen Manolos. A birthday trip planner expected everyone to clear their calendars and open their wallets.
In my recent subscriber-exclusive episode, I went into the gritty details of the birthday weekend saga, including the drama, the expectations, and why the whole thing felt less like a celebration and more like a friendship exam. You can subscribe below to watch the full breakdown.
“When did we start believing that a woman’s life choices had to fit into just two categories: married or single?” - Carrie, Sex and the City - “A Woman’s Right To Shoes.”
No episode of Sex and the City resonated more than the one where Carrie attends Kyra’s baby shower. She arrives with Stanford, an expensive gift in hand, and is told to remove her shoes to avoid tracking in dirt. Carrie reluctantly obliges, only to have her Manolo Blahniks stolen. Miranda and Samantha urge her to ask Kyra for reimbursement, since the barefoot rule was Kyra’s idea. Kyra agrees but caps the refund at $200, well short of the $485 cost.
“You know how much Manolo’s are. You used to wear them,” Carrie says to Kyra.
Kyra rolls her eyes. “Sure. Before I had a real life.”
“I have a real life.”
“No offense, Carrie, but I really don’t think we should have to pay for your extravagant lifestyle. It was your choice to buy shoes that expensive.”
She did not just say that.
Carrie does the math: she’s spent over $2,000 on Kyra’s showers, wedding, and the required gifts. With that in mind, she calls Kyra and announces she’s getting married—to herself.
“I’m registered at Manolo Blahnik,” she says with a shit-eating grin.
Cut to Kyra buying the only item on Carrie’s registry: The shoes that had been stolen from Kyra’s apartment.
I’ve watched this episode several times, but only recently connected the price of Carrie’s shoes to societal views on women’s value. Kyra refused full reimbursement because Carrie lacked a partner, home, and children—implying her life was worth less by Kyra’s standards.
Fuck Kyra.
Why should a woman have to get married or have a baby for her life choices to be rewarded? And why should society get to decide what women determine a milestone?
mile·stone
/ˈmīlˌstōn/
noun
an action or event marking a significant change or stage in development.
The word significant is subjective. What’s easily achieved for one may be out of reach for another. Significance is defined by our experiences. Swimming a lap might come naturally to you, but to someone anxious about water, it reflects years of struggle and bravery. That’s significant.
Choosing to remain single and intentionally walking a path unpartnered when you’ve been bombarded with messages that tell you that choice makes you odd or broken or at fault is significant.
In theory, Carrie’s solution was clever. By flipping expectations, she got what she wanted and showed Kyra how it feels to be on the receiving end of social obligations we often feel pressured to honor.
In reality, Carrie’s move likely wouldn’t fly today. With people struggling financially, expecting someone to spend time and money on your celebration can feel entitled.
Which is why I think Laney, the creator I discussed in my most recent podcast episode, hit a brick wall when she tried to organize a Miami weekend getaway for her 35th birthday.
I do expect this trip to be somewhat bougie. Yikes.
Remember who inspired this: Carrie Bradshaw, who expected Charlotte to offer to loan her money and often prioritized her boyfriends. If she threw herself a faux shower for something trivial, her friends would call her out—as they should. Consider the source before copying ideas.
We cheered Carrie’s move because Kyra shamed her for being single and implied her life wasn’t real. Many of us have been asked to sacrifice time or money for others with families. Carrie’s shoes were stolen due to Kyra’s rules—Kyra should have replaced them. Who throws a party where guests walk barefoot? No, seriously. Who does that?!
Carrie’s “marriage to herself” wasn’t about demanding a celebration from her friends. It was about challenging the idea that only certain life choices deserve recognition and respect. Carrie wanted to prove her choices mattered—regardless of whether they fit social norms. That’s a very different thing from expecting twenty-five people to drop everything and finance a birthday weekend. Carrie was asking for respect; what she got was a pair of shoes. Ultimately, the episode reminds us that a woman’s life shouldn’t need traditional milestones to be valued or celebrated.
In my latest subscriber-exclusive podcast episode, I go into the possible reasons Laney’s invitation fell flat, how she could have improved her response rate, and why her friends might have been put off by how the birthday celebration was presented.
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